i'm all spaced out, you know?

If you are the kind of person who overrides the web blocker at your place of employment so that you can read my blog while your boss isn't watching (typical), then you've probably already investigated my friend Ivan's* blog.  If you are more restrained, then I highly recommend reading today's bits and pieces, on which I now reflect.

Carl Sagan is amazing, and here is why.  If you know me at all, then you probably know that I first became obsessed with Space Topics (as opposed to, but at the same time directly related to Space Opera!) about three years ago, when I was up late and watching a history channel special (I know) on black holes.  I will back up a tiny bit more.  My parents have a lovely, large, and eclectic home library, and one book that I perused a lot as a young girl was called Our Solar System or something like that.  I can't remember what it is but I will try to find it.  Anyway, the book is very comprehensive, but it has a weird chapter on science fiction and thoughts on extra-terrestrial life.  There are terrifying images of fictional space creatures, one of which remains burned in my memory forever: a large, hairy parachute-type alien (yes, parachute) with one giant eye.  I shudder to think of it and I always always always tried to avoid turning to that section of this huge coffee table book.  Sometimes I would forget, though, and the giant eye would stare at me, so I would slam the book shut and run away screaming.

So basically space is a big, scary place.  I felt the same way the time I went swimming in the ocean and I refused to go out to where the shelf drops, because there is just way too much going on down there.  I don't want to even think about it.  I mean, hello?  Have you ever seen Abyss?

Three years ago I was sitting on my couch, Janice, as I watched Dr. Michio Kaku explain to me the fundamentals of black-hole hunting and the ways that black holes can destroy everything I hold near and dear . . . I felt that same dread-of-the-unknown resting it's icy, unmanicured hand upon my shoulder.  But I decided that instead of throwing my television out the window and ignoring the problem, I would read the entire Wikipedia page on black holes.  This is when the madness started.  I eventually wrote my own (amateur, yet completely professional) theory on the size/power of black holes and their possible stealthy presence in our daily lives.  But I digress.

Michio whilst casually swimming...nude?

You are welcome.

As much as I enjoy Dr. Kaku's Hair and its ability to explain string theory, I still sometimes find the universe to be a bit too large and unsettling.  During the moments when I find it difficult to separate myself emotionally . . . I rely on my good friend Carl Sagan and his soothing voice.  He is the chamomile to Dr. Kaku's espresso.  Which is why I am very grateful that Cosmos is presented on Hulu in it's entirety.  Thank you, Ivan, for spreading the word!

A couple of months ago I read something about the possibility of faster-than-lightspeed travel (what is with all of my hyphens?  I feel as though I've been doing this a lot lately), which is insane, obviously.  I didn't investigate it much after my initial discovery, but was reminded of it with all of Ivan's talk of deep space travel.  I want to share this, so I lead you to Stuart who provides further information and better explanation of tunneling than I am capable of.

Now for something completely different, yet at the same time totally related!

Exactly one month ago I became embroiled in a Facebook thread debating some heavy stuff.  Namely, Determinism.  How did this come about amongst a group of 22 year-olds, you ask?  Emo-ness, that's how.  One of my dear friends decided to state that she felt as though she had zero control over her life, and a fellow named Maxwell* (name switch!) posted as a response the Wikipedia page concerning Determinism, as well as several other comments regarding how the Big Bang determined the entire course of the universe, but that quantum theory interferes with this thinking.  Here is where I decided to join the fun.

Basically, if you want to follow what I'm reading at all, you either need to understand quantum theory or you need to go through a preliminary crash course.  Trust me, it will be good for you.  And I know that you can do it, because if my couch Janice can learn quantum mechanics, then so can you.

After reviewing for a few minutes, I decided that if we are familiar with Bohm, we could say that quantum mechanics in fact justifies determinism, as long as you include a constant wave function.  Part of me thinks that this is the case and that the constant wave function is actually God.  If there is, in fact, a pilot wave, and it is guiding the universe, wouldn't it be guiding in a determinate manner?  The only difference between classical determinism and Bohmian mechanics is that we have an infinite number of determined universes occurring at once.  However, I don't really think that God would take choice out of the equation.  I prefer quantum decoherence, or even the alternate histories theory to determinism.  I believe that we have choice in life.  And I also believe that somehow, quantum mechanics and classical mechanics must exist simultaneously (in that basic sense, I agree with Bohm . . . and Carl Sagan!).

The above paragraph were my thoughts last month, but I'd like to revisit and review the various aspects of quantum mechanics.  Does anyone think quantum theory is just a big load of crap?  At Barnes & Noble I was in the Nerd section once (twice . . . ok, a couple dozen times) and happened upon The Trouble with Physics by Lee Smolin, which I've been meaning to read.  He is a theoretical physicist who (and I am simplifying here) has basically given up on quantum theory.  That's how I feel after spending a few hours thinking about Determinism (every time I use Determinism with a capital D, please hear the word as if uttered by a deep, male, God-like voice) and what I might ultimately think of it.

Though, as we have learned from Lee Smolin, there is always room for revision.

Rebel.

a late night dive?

Ever since this post I have been selecting the Trebuchet font, because I always always always picture the "hurling [of] my words from a large catapult over the ramparts of some huge castle of doom."  It's the simple things.

I will be brief.  I would just like to say that I've officially taken a scuba dive into the land (yes, you can scuba dive into land) of Ivan Zissou.  Everything about this land ensnares my attention, but I am particularly fond of the promise of the trivia challenges.  Which I am determined to win.  I hope Ivan doesn't mind my linkage above, but I think that the three (two? less?) people who actually read my trite posts will probably enjoy his blog.  It is shiny and new, as opposed to jaded and sarcastic.  It is orderly and easy to understand, as opposed to sprinkled with bits of poetry featuring ambiguous rules for capitalization which were completely intentional but in hindsight might appear sycophantic.

That was my obligatory "joke about my writing" section so that I don't leave myself emotional vulnerable to people (mostly imaginary) who read snippets of my life.

I love this stupid blog. 

One final thought:  Certain long-time bloggers have not been keeping up with their duty (literary and comic) to all of us (me).  Please post immediately.  This is a tree house of trust.

Another (truly) final thought:  This was a fake post.  Real posts are not about the process of posting.  Please disregard this entire post save for the information you found relative to yourself.

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Tonight the girl is living high

as the sky

before she crashes low

and below the surface

she goes

with her periscope,

her records,

her thousand beaux.

Home I go.

I hear the noise of the morning,

the rushing water

the footsteps

the everyday sonnet

the basso of my continuo

playing through my hands.

I touch the papers on my desk

the clear, rounded glass and

the grass on the ground. then,

the wind in this void of a world

that exists as a single breath, just beyond the

the bounds of my heart.

It’s just now in the moment

that I realize it’s all

my head, my hands.

my hands, my heart.

herein lies my hallelujah.

behold, silence

behold, stillness

falling snow?

i hear it spring, summer, and fall;

carry it in my hands.

therein lies my hallelujah.

recall the thought,

the feeling,

the memory in the mirror.

is it a blur?

this spinning blue earth

in the middle of all space

and of all time holding us close

until there is nothing left to say

but hallelujah.

words i’ve said,

stories i’ve heard.

i will take a breath and whisper

the quiet hallelujah.

ahhh a bug!

A couple of hours ago I was in the basement retrieving some sheets from the dryer, and I thought I saw something small and black scurrying across the floor (specifically, a bug).  I think I see a giant bug several times a day, because I am terrified of bugs and subconsciously I am always on the lookout.  I can't stand them, especially after the (alleged) bed bug experience I had in the fall, which everyone continues to insist I made up in my head.  They are probably right, but I digress.

Anyway, I was about to go back to my original task of checking on my sheets, when I noticed that the black thing was still moving and that it wasn't a piece of lint but an actual bug.  I'm not an expert, so I couldn't tell you what kind of bug, but it was gigantic.  I was terrified.  But I stifled a scream, and I stomped on that bug!  I stomped on it good, because I knew that if I didn't get it the first time, it would probably craftily sneak under the dryer.  I shudder to remember the crunch, because there was indeed a crunch.

I understand that basements are built beneath the ground and that this means bugs and moisture will infiltrate from time to time, but it is still somewhat disconcerting.

Anyway . . . I thought it might be therapeutic for me to write about this before trying to sleep.

roundabouts, unicycles, and pedestrians

I watched a great TED talk yesterday (what else is new?) about roundabouts vs. stop signs.  It's good.  HERE is the link if you want to watch it.

I gave a little thought to different areas that I frequent which could benefit from changes.  One of them is North Star Rd, which from Fifth up to Lane has no sidewalk, except for portions on the West side above Waltham Rd (I think?  I'll check again the next time I drive by) where it is more residential.  Either way, they are putting in all of these businesses and really developing the section of Lane Ave which rests perpendicular to North Star, west to about Northwest Blvd.  I'm not saying I would walk up North Star to Lane Ave everyday, but I've wanted to in the past.  And nearly every time I drive up North Star I see people (usually students) walking in the same direction, presumably up to the bike path which heads further toward campus.  The speed limit has recently been reduced to 25 mph, which few people follow, and a pedestrian crossing sign has been added to the entrance of the bike path.  But I still think that a sidewalk would be really great.  There practically is a sidewalk already do to the amount of foot traffic running through the grass.  This means that it is a muddy mess now.

Anyway, I was pondering how nice it would be for people closer to King or Fifth to be able to walk up North Star safely, and found out that the Upper Arlington Engineering Division raised the topic of placing a roundabout at the intersection of North Star, Waltham, and Kinnear.  See THIS article for details.  While I think that having the lighted intersection works just fine there, perhaps the roundabout would inadvertently encourage drivers who intend to end up travelling north on North Star to slow down?  Just a thought.

The last paragraph about the possibility of some changes to Northwest Blvd intrigues me too, for pretty much the same reasons.  There is really no good way to walk/bike up Northwest Blvd, which his silly because the COTA 84 (a fairly popular line in the morning and at night - when it is dark and pedestrians are also less visible!) and the COTA 3 run up and down that road throughout the day.

One last road that would seriously benefit from a sidewalk?  Kinnear Rd.  The whole thing.

Also, potholes are the bane of my existence.

I'm not complaining, I'm just observing the way Gary told us to.

to spell, or spellian, espeller, spellon, spjalla...

Check this out.  And this, too.

I really just wanted to share the weirdness of the spelling variants of the word dwarf.  I had absolutely no idea that Tolkien had affected the spelling like this - the Merriam-Webster allows for the plural dwarves, whereas after the mid-19thC, most people spelled the word with an f, as in dwarfs (an evolutionary change to the spelling).  They now allow for this variation in their record because Tolkien spelled the word with a v (the older spelling) when referring to the race of dwarves in his literature.  Go figure.  If you asked me five minutes ago to spell the plural of dwarf, I would have spelled it with a v.  I wouldn't have said that spelling it with the f is incorrect, but if prompted to spell, I would have written it as dwarves.  That's a powerful thing.

I just wanted to point out that once again, Tolkien proves that even though he may have spent his spare time inventing languages and writing out complex histories of worlds which don't exist, he was so awesome at it that he actually affected the way that we spell the plural of dwarf.  And that's a pretty big deal.

I would also like to make a final note that my browser is attempting to correct my spelling of dwarves, but it can't even offer a suggestion for it.  TB, Google Chrome.

literature as a portal to truth

Some literature is crap.  But some of it is very good.


I was just having a brief conversation (it is never too late to discuss literature) via text with someone who recommended a book to me, and I was giving my thoughts of the first few chapters I've read thus far.  My friend read this book about a year ago, so it's been many books ago that he read it.  Even so, the author was able to leave a lasting impression.  He achieved a specific affect in us as readers that is rather astonishing.  I'm impressed, but it also makes me wonder how different all of us really are.


Do you ever notice how people who are really successful in life always say (in interviews and such) that they were bullied or picked on?  Well, who wasn't?  You'd have to be the worst kid ever to be not picked on at some point because everyone would fear you your whole life.  I guess my point is - and I'm being brief as I need to go to bed - that as different as we all are, perhaps we are all made of the same glue.  Perhaps we all feel terribly unique and singular - our own island - when really, we are in fact part of a whole after all.

the land of green waves

An adventure awaits me
In the land of waves
Of deep emerald and jade
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

in honor of Groundhog Day

First of all, I realize that it is not Groundhog Day any longer.  I lost track of the time.  Secondly, I am not really obsessed with Groundhog Day.  I'm just attempting enthusiasm, and I decided to save sharing these clips until the actual holiday.

So in honor of Groundhog Day, I wanted to give anyone reading this the chance to view 12:10 pm, which I mentioned last posting.  It is split into three parts, and the quality isn't tip top, but from what I understand this film is very old and it's difficult to find on hard copy, so I hope that it is enjoyable nonetheless.  And yes, that is the dad from That '70s Show.

Part 1:



Part 2:



Part 3:

going green and some thoughts on deja vu

One of my favorite authors of all time, thanks to preludetoapparition is John Green.  I received Looking for Alaska as a gift some years ago, and it remains one of my all-time favorites.  That said, it is a mystery as to why I haven't read John Green's other books yet.  I think it has been part forgetfulness (there are a lot of books out there!) and partly distractedness (I am in college).

Anyway, I keep having this weird deja vu lately.  The unfortunate thing is that I can't think of a good example for you - it's kind of like when you wake up from a really freaky dream and you're kind of laying there and wondering what it all means.  Five minutes later you are in the bathroom brushing your teeth and you've forgotten the whole thing, but you know that it was crazy.  That's how it is with my deja vu.  It is usually something like a number.  For instance, before I started writing about Groundhog Day (film, 1993) the other night, I discovered a short film with the same premise as Groundhog Day.  The film is called 12:10pm and I found the film at exactly 12:10am.  This is a tidy coincidence of numbers.

Ah, but here's the rub:  My ultimate deja vu-ey experience of the week was when I happened upon John Green's online network of Nerdfighters.  The concept is too difficult to explain all at once, and my finger hurts so I don't want to type for too long.  Basically, I discovered the network before I realized that it was John Green who made it.  I only realized it when I saw the link to his personal website, which I had visited a couple of years ago.  Weirder still, I decided to join the Nerdfighters network as a means of procrastination, and discovered that I had already created an account???  That's kind of creepy.  It seems that a different network that I joined last year concerning a totally different topic uses the same service as Nerdfighters, and therefore, I have been a Nerdfighter (sort of) for at least a year without really knowing it.

It's just all very overwhelming.

It gets better:  In case you didn't already think me insane with all of this talk of "Nerdfighters," I will add that when I was watching the previously mentioned short film 12:10pm the other night, there was a link to an episode of this show called Merlin that the BBC produced last year or something.  I thought it sounded awful, and it really was awful, but I clicked on the link to the Youtube video just to be sure.  While I was appreciating how incredibly bad Merlin is, I then scrolled through the other videos that the user had uploaded (in addition to every single episode of Merlin ever made).  One of the videos was titled . . . wait for it . . . "Why I am a Nerdfighter."

I was so freaked out.  What is going on with all of these Nerdfighters?  Where are they coming from?  Why is John Green a Nerdfighter?  Are these people fighting off the nerds, or are they embracing nerd-like existence?  And how could there possibly be any connection between Groundhog Day and Nerdfighters?  And Merlin, for that matter?

We report, you decide.

disconnected - from the universe!

I'm watching a documentary on hulu called "Disconnected."  It's about these college students who decided to go three weeks without touching a computer.  I'm kind of jealous and want to perform this experiment as well . . . I was even coming up with preliminary plans and thinking about asking friends to participate.  But then I realized that it is literally impossible to be in school in 2010 and not use a computer.  It is mandatory, and you can't do your work without one.  I don't think this is a bad thing, and I think that the internet makes life way easier.  Judging by the model of cell phone that these students are using, I think it's safe to say that this documentary was filmed around 2005.

Ok, I just checked and it came out in 2008.  Seriously?  They are using Nokias with antennae.  I haven't seen a phone with an antenna in years.

The point is, this thing was made in Minnesota, and people in Columbus use computers, so I can't give up my computer for three weeks.  Furthermore, I would never be caught dead in . . . Minnesota.  Also, thirty two minutes into this documentary, I'm about to turn it off, and my major piece of constructive criticism is that this guy needs to seriously consider putting his shirt back on.  If you are too tired to put your shirt on before you start filming yourself in your bathroom mirror on Saturday morning, maybe you should wait five minutes and come back to that thought, because you look like a tool.

I think that instead of giving up my computer (because let's face it, why would I do that, really?) I will try to keep track of how many times I look things up throughout the day, on average, for a week or so.  Someone called me "google girl" recently, because I almost constantly use a computer or my phone to look up random facts.  You know those moments in conversation when you and the person/people you're with can't remember something, or you want to know something?  In 1995 you would just say, "oh well, I guess we'll never know!"  But today, you can know.  You can know almost anything that would normally require searching through books, and it's usually pretty instantaneous.  So I look it up.

groundhog day

Groundhog Day is coming up, and I hadn't thought about it except the movie Groundhog Day was on Comedy Central this evening.  I just finished watching, and I happened upon this discussion online somewhere regarding how many times Phil Connors must have repeated February 2nd.  It's all very rough estimating, but apparently the director said that in the final cut of the film, the production team assumed that Phil wakes up on Groundhog Day for about 10 years straight.  That's a long time.  Even worse, the original script was based upon the assumption that Phil relives February 2nd for approximately 10,000 years.

Of course, I never thought it was any longer than a month or two, and probably because I first saw it when I was little.  But knowing that Phil Connors could potentially have spent 10,000 years waking up to Sunny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" every single morning, I don't blame him for trying to kill himself multiple times.

I know this post is pretty specific, but bear with me.  Just imagine living the same day over and over and over.  That would be pretty frustrating, because any progress you made with the world surrounding you would be totally erased every day.  I'm surprised that Phil was able to reach a point where he could just be good for the sake of being good; that he could truly love Rita and be fine with her never knowing about the thousands of conversations they had enjoyed by the time Phil had escaped the time loop.

This is the thing that most puzzles me:  It's February 3rd.  At last, Phil wakes up and the first thing he hears is not "Don't forgetchyer booties, cuz it's cooold out there!"  After seemingly endless days when the basic assumption is that his actions will have no consequences, how could Phil ever go back to living a normal life?  And how could he not tell Rita or anyone else what had happened to him?  It's probably February 3rd that sets Phil over the edge, not Goundhog Day.

not wild about my ideas for this title

I am happy and positive!  I just felt like putting something up that isn't a downer or cynical.  I am grateful for my cozy bed.  I should be sleeping instead of laying awake and typing this, but it can't be helped.  I went on a bit of a youtube binge (awful).

You know what's nice about having a roommate?  You have someone around with whom you can do something stupid and random on a weeknight, and I think we really cheer each other up.  And if we're already happy as clams, we just make each other happier by singing really bad 80's music while unloading and drying dishes from the dishwasher or turning the national anthem into an ode to our mothers.  I'm not joking, this actually happened.  Not really sure how.  Also, I've learned that it really is better to not run the heated-dry option on your dishwasher, because the extra heat is damaging to your plates/glassware/plastics, and also you are saving energy.  I've also learned that it is not a good idea to wash your plastics in the dishwasher, because the heat causes the plastic to melt a bit and sort of redistribute onto other items, and you start digesting plastic.  This does not sound appetizing.  If you don't believe it's true (it is) or you don't care, I guess you can just appreciate the opportunity to avoid warping your tupperware, as almost all of mine eventually does.  I do still wash tuppereware in the dishwasher a lot, though, because I'm lazy.  I once ruined a perfectly good blender by putting the jug part into the dishwasher, which was freakishly hot at Riverwatch.  And I don't even know why I had a plastic blender, but it worked great and then it sort of melted into a weird tilted shape and wouldn't fit onto the motor.  It was a very sad day when this happened, because I love smoothies and haven't been able to talk myself into buying a new blender since then.  It takes up too much space, anyway.  Which brings me to another great thing about my roommate:  She has an immersion blender attachment on her electric mixer, which is basically a blender minus the blades.  We've come full circle.

That's all, I think, for now.

learn to live with disappointment?

I would generally like to avoid writing a post when I'm angry, tired, or trying to sort out a problem, but why not?  I'm having a bad night.  Week.  Month.  Whatever.  Someone I trusted at work has humiliated me, and I would never know about it if K hadn't been generous enough to alert me.  The betrayal is just shocking, because I can't believe that after over two years of working together, this person chose such a selfish path.  Not only was I manipulated, but I shouldn't have needed to be handled in this way since I made it clear that I was leaving my job.  I'm coming in on my own time to sort out any details I need to this week, and then it's over.


I want so badly to call this person and demand an explanation, but it's just such a worthless pursuit.  An apology would be unsatisfactory; I doubt any sincerity.


This isn't really the topic I had hoped to write about today, but it's all I've got right now.  I'm just worn out, and I would like to fast forward to Friday and to a good weekend at home.


We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal.


True, unfortunately.  Wtf.

blizzard

I am using a font called trebuchet, which makes me feel like I'm hurling my words from a large catapult and over the ramparts of some huge castle of doom.


I attempted to leave home today and return to my current residence, but inclement weather and standstill traffic through most of a certain falcon-infested county prevented me from leaving.  Thus, I will simply have to wait until tomorrow.  The exciting part of the evening commenced when my parents informed me that they had purchased a wireless router for our house.  A technological advance is always intriguing, so I went about setting up the equipment, and voila:  I am online.


This Christmas has been great (other than being sick) and I look forward to keeping the Christmas spirit alive through to the weekend.  I dread taking down all of the ornamentation in our apartment because it must have been very dull without it, like the difference between Kansas and Munchkin Land.  I can't really remember what it was like before we did it.  Paper chains aren't specific to Christmas, are they??


I just noticed that I used the passive voice twice and corrected it.  That's a good sign.

bedside

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

emo emo emo

I was about this close to selecting the "Georgia" font, because that's the font my boss asked us to consistently use at work. And then I thought, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not at work. And I'm fucking tired of Georgia.

I wrote a whole other post about 30 minutes ago, and decided it wasn't right. Not only was it bad writing, but it was the tritest shite I've probably ever written. In truth, it was mostly related to faith and how we know what is real or not. Honestly, who hasn't had those thoughts? So who would want to read a whole blog post about doubts? The funny thing is, it's related to one of my oldest posts.

For the majority of my childhood, my mantra (if you want to call it that) was honesty, open commentary, and direct communication. Going with your feelings. Believing what you feel. Using it. I got older, and like most people, I decided that feelings aren't everything, and that impulse shouldn't be the main reason behind every action one takes (don't get me wrong, a little impulse can be good for you).

Two years ago, I experienced the two most lucid days of my entire life. In the midst of this clarity of mind, I wrote about it and I'm so grateful that I did, because I don't think I would still really understand it if I hadn't. I had a revelation in which I determined that feelings "accompany a present logic, justifying it." Amusingly enough, the whole post that I just wrote tonight had something to do with how I wasn't sure I could trust any feelings to justify my faith, and that maybe everything is a big chemical reaction within my brain. Again, I hate writing things like this, because it seems so typical and I feel like a debbie downer.

I was feeling so emo for a while today, too. I was looking around at all these middle-aged people in a horribly bad mood, trying to figure out what they're doing, going behind each others' backs, gossiping, complaining about one another . . . and I just couldn't take it anymore. The mere instance of someone speaking aloud while I was trying to concentrate took me to the brink. (Of what, I don't know. Probably just leaving the room. Which is what I did.) So I went downstairs to get a can of Diet Vernor's (see 17 Sept 2009 for reference), and they were all sold out. W. . . T . . .F? I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who ever buys it. I once made fun of Diet Vernor's, but I have to say that the Diet version has a way better can than the regular Vernor's.  As always people, we report, you decide.

what to write, what to write?

I never really know. I want to write a book about the Hundred Years' War, but there isn't enough time for that right now.

I've been wondering why the house of Caesar Augustus had to be so darn confusing and full of people who were married three times and had several adopted children.

That's about it. I have to go to the store of liquid gold now. Bye!

my pumpkin!

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Spooktastic!

A sign from the haunted statehouse tour earlier this month
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel